There Are Only Two Certain Things in Life...

[dudelovenext]

First off, wow, thank you so much to everyone. You all are constant reminders that I have a terrific bunch of friends. :) Thanks for your well-wishes and such. :)

I left for work Tuesday morning and got a call from my mom. "I love you, honey" was how she started the call. I knew that was it right there, but I still made her say it. I think I was in a daze more than anything, so I tell work that I'm not coming in and go home and pack. I had to hang around for a bit to get some money from my credit union, but I head out arrive at my Grandpa King's a few hours later.

She had died early in the morning (about 5:29am I believe). Her heart just gave out. We were all expecting it, we just didn't know when. Her body was pretty frail and broken, she had so many health issues I don't even know where to start with them.

I handled it okay. To be honest, I was a little scared that I wasn't sadder. After talking to my mom about it, her theory sounds about right. For one thing, I've grown up with death. It seems every few years it's someone else in my family that's dying. Robin (sister), Christopher (brother), my dad, Karen (aunt), Mattie Lou (aunt), Jared (cousin), Grandma Lion, and now Grandma King. There have been a few others, but those are in the family that I really know. I guess I've just become a bit desensitized to it. Then there's the whole "how men and women handle it differently". Which I can believe. My Uncle Chuck was out in my grandparent's flower bed, doing some weeding. I think it's easier for men if there's a task, and we just tackle that task. Just seems like an easier way of handling it? I dunno.

Anyhow, most of Tuesday I hung out at my Aunt Debbie's, eating and drinking with my family. It was nice to just sit around and talk (considering the circumstances). My little sister is still at the age where...I don't think she quite gets it. I guess that's part of the blessing of being a child, hm? Heh, when my little sister arrived we basically just sat there playing each other's Pokémon games. *LOL*

So I spent the night and left the next morning, since my mom went to work that day and I really didn't see the need to stick around. Got home in the afternoon yesterday. Just kind of felt like being by myself, so just hung out in my room all day playing Chrono Chross.

I'll be going to work tomorrow, then going to the funeral on Saturday. I'm going to try and make it back in time for the party on Saturday night. I think that would do me some good, y'know?

I'm doing fine. More worried about my Grandpa King than anything. I know that Grandma King is out of pain, and she was in a lot of pain and on so many drugs...but they were married for what, 60? Almost 70 years? I can't imagine what he's going through. At least he has lots of family around him to help out.

Well, now to...go do stuff.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention this too.

I stepped down as the 2006 Press Coordinator for Sakura-Con. There are lots of reasons, but I think the top three were 1) I wasn't getting the job done (computer and family problems most recently), 2) I think I need a break. I'm gonna keep being a mod, but I want to enjoy myself at the con next year. I think Stef had the right idea last year with helping out here and there, but having no definate "at con" job so he could enjoy himself, and 3) I think I need to focus on me this year. I'll be getting a second job, which wouldn't have left me much time to focus on Sakura-con. There are a few other little reasons, but those are the main ones.

Comments

[humu-ted.livejournal.com]

*hugs**hugs**hugs* I'm glad you're doing ok. There's so much I wish I could talk to you about. I'm sure we'll get to it eventually. ^_^

Remember, if you need me, you know my number. ;)

*hugs*

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks. :) Sometime. I typically don't like to talk on the phone...but I might have to make an exception in your case. :)

[humu-ted.livejournal.com]

Yay I'm a special case!! :D Wait...o_O


:P Yeah I know what you mean. I love talking on the phone but not with people I don't know very well. It has to be with people that I can picture in my mind while I'm talking to them. Facial expressions, gestures, etc. Then it's fine. But I'm so much more of a one-on-one person whenever possible. Online is ok but there are some conversations that just have to happen in person (or on the phone). ;)

We'll figure something out. ^_^

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

I'm just on the phones so much as it is, I'm not a real fan of them as far as communication.

[elsmd.livejournal.com]

:(

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

:)

[shadow-kisa.livejournal.com]

If its too much pressure, don't force yourself to go to our BBQ. It would be a good change of pace from all the sad things going on, though.

I'll try to entertain you to get your mind off bad things. Remember to bring a swimsuit for the pool and hottub!

My blessings to you and your family.

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Nah, it wouldn't be a pressure. I think it'd be a good opportunity to just go and socialize and just enjoy myself.

Ugh, I'll work on my walrus sounds. It's a good thing I have such a small sense of shame. :) I'll try my best to be there (getting back in time; you guys are going all through the night, right?).

[shadow-kisa.livejournal.com]

As long as people want to stay!

[kapslocked.livejournal.com]

Wow... I didn't know about how much has happened to your family. It's good that you've learned to handle it very well. ^^

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I do not come from a very healthy family. Gives me a lot to look forwad to, y'know? :(

Thanks, I've tried my best.

[fearless-son.livejournal.com]

I again express my condolences. I think that my grandmother Jenny is going down that road too. We expect her to die some time in the next few years. But then again, we were saying that a few years ago.

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Thanks Colin. :) Sometimes people can surprise you; they just want to live and they stick around. My grandma...she was tired. She was ready to go.

[namastegiggles.livejournal.com]

Glad you're doing well. Hope to see you this Saturday!

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I hope to see you there too! It's been a while!

so, well-wishes and such. :)

[quetz.livejournal.com]

When all we ultimately have is each other, it's good to remember that we do have each other, and that what we have of each other lives as long as our memories do.


and Didi has been around for so long and so often, she's become a real friend of the family by now...so I know what you mean from those scenes that you've painted. Please, do try to make it on Saturday night, and we'll raise a glass to all those who've gone before.

Re: so, well-wishes and such. :)

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

*nods* Maybe that, to me at least, should be the "third" of the certain things in life. I know that I have my family and especially my friends around in times of need. :)

I'll have to ask my grandpa what grandma's favorite drink was...though I have a feeling that Grandma King hadn't drunk anything in years.

[tak178.livejournal.com]

My friend...

I am going to take this time to give you some advice...I am not sure if it will help in your current circumstances, but I feel reading this post I must...

I do not know you well, I do not know the things that you have gone through in your life in the intimacy that long time friends share. I do know however that events in our lives have a way of helping us re-focus.

In February of last year, I was involved in an on the job accident, which at the time happened while I was driving paratransit. Thank God that no one was on board at the time, just me. At this time, I was finally rebuilding my life from a seperation from my fiancee at the time, and I thought that I was strong enough to move forward. Sometimes when we are at are strongest, we are in fact at our weakest. I was laid up for 3 months, and unable to support myself, I was under the roof of my church, as my pastor gave me the opportunity to stay there to heal, and truly work my way out of the past that I thought I had let go. Needless to say, when I left, I was refreshed, but it took a long time to heal everthing.

The accident, while minor, could have been deadly if I had not turned the wheel at the right time. I would not be here today trying to type an convey this simple premise. We only have a short time on this earth to get things right. We only have so much time in our lives to live it...and to enjoy it. Turmoil and darkness in our lives serve to wake us up from stagnancy and complacency for a reason...to help us move forward.

You say that you have experienced death to the point that you have become desensitized. I don't believe that for a second. I went to many funerals of members of my family over the years, friends, acquaintances to be the shoulder of support. I never cried. I couldn't. One day, while at my cousin's grandmother's funeral, it came gushing out...I couldn't stop crying, because I was close to her, but all of that pent up emotion burst forth in a wave.

Death is a part of life, we all will check out sooner or later. What matters is what we do with the time that we have on this earth. What matters is the time that we speand with others to help them along life's long and winding roadway. Take this time to evaluate who you are and who you want to be, let that which has caused the forks and hills and valleys on the road of life minister to you as you grieve. Your friends will be here for you regardless, even this acquaintence, if you choose to avail yourself of my services.

~Dave

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Perhaps "desensitized" was a poor choice to use. I think "accustomed" might be better. It still has an effect on me, but it's...familar.

Wow, that...well, that's certainly a lot to go through. Honestly, that's probably more than I really have gone through, personally. Tragic events in my life seem to involve people around me, not me myself.

I'm not a fan of death. I don't like it. But...I realize that's it's part of the cycle of life. People are born, they live, they grow, and then they die. I know my grandma had a pretty full life. She raised seven children, and she had the hard time of having to bury three of them (something a parent should never have to do).

Thank you, Dave. I think we both have very different views on many things in this world, but I think we're both (I don't think these are the right words, but they're the best I can think of at the moment) compassionate and tolerant that we can get along and be open with each other.

If there comes a time when I need to talk, definitely, I think you would be one of the ones I would talk to. :)

[tak178.livejournal.com]

We may see things in a different way, but we are very much the same in this...we cling to those around us for comfort in times of heartache, and we realize that this time on the earth is temporary. Seeing things different makes most friendships very interesting.

That said...your last paragraph sums it up. I know that in this area, my views are in the minority, but I will shout them from the rooftops. Even though we may not agree always, that doesn't mean that we cannot come to a consensus. Believe me, I've had to be tolerant of MANY things over the years. I just don't agree with them.

Cheers, mate...everything will work out as it should.

~Dave

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Me too. Things I don't agree on, but just come to a tolerant comprimise about.

Sometime we'll have to sit down and talk. :)

[netharos.livejournal.com]

Well, I personally don't think everything about death is necessarily sad. When my parents lost their parents, they seemed to have mixed emotions. My mom was very sad that she didn't have any living parents anymore when my grandmother died, but she was also happy that my grandmother would finally be with my grandfather again, since he had died over 20 years before. I guess you kind of have to believe in an afterlife for that assurance, but it certainly helped my mom accept everything a lot more. My dad recently lost his father, but in many ways he felt very relieved, because his father was in terrible pain for far too many years beforehand. Someday I will have to say goodbye to my own parents. I'll miss them of course, but I will also know that they spent the majority of their lives together, and I will be very happy that they were able to experience so much joy together before leaving the world.

It sounds like you have already dealt with a lot of loss in your family, and I think you're doing the absolute best thing in the world to honor their memory--continuing to take care of yourself and enjoy your life. Good for you man, that's the way to go.

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

*nods* I can take comfort in a few things, such as my grandma is no longer in pain and that she is with my father and two of her daughters.

I...I think I'm still working on my personal beliefs as far as an afterlife. But I want to be optimistic and think that they're all together. :)