Insanity

[dudelovenext]

Sometimes I wonder if most of my problems are of my own doing. If some event that I take part in initiates those problems.

I chose to rent a house again...despite all the issues that happened at the Bellevue house.

I'm just tired of trying to motivate myself to do stuff. It shouldn't be, but it's exhausting to tell myself, "Stephen, you need to do this, you need to do that."

I only seem to go to friends these days when I have something to bitch about...so I don't think I've been going to my friends as much since I feel pretty guilty about that.

I've just been really stressed and it's just been difficult lately dealing with it. I'm 28, in fairly poor health, don't have any kind of savings, don't really have any kind of "hard" skills.

I've just felt very powerless lately. *sigh*

But let's try and add something positive into this. :)

The apartment is nice, if small. Currently, I'm living with Colin (fearless_son) and a co-worker of Whitney's, Anne. Been going pretty well there. While it's an adjustment, at least it won't have the upkeep the Weng House had.

Despite feeling like I'm not doing a stellar job, I'm doing pretty well at MS. I just need to get working on my hard skills and I think I can really succeed here. I <3 Globex. :)

Started playing some Dead Space last night...I really like that game. Been getting harder to hate on EA lately.

I've been...fairly good on my diet habits. Trying to watch how much I drink (not that I've been drinking much lately anyway). Trying VERY hard to watch my portions, which I think is what is hurting me. It's just so hard to not eat that third, fourth, or fifth slice of pizza. ^_^

I miss everyone. I wish I could just have a huge, giant party somewhere and invite everyone.

Comments

[namastegiggles.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Thanks I'la! Hope you're doing well...haven't seen you in forever!

[fearless-son.livejournal.com]

I am enjoying living with you too man. The appartment is relatively quiet, easy to keep clean, sufficiently warm, and quite cozy. Having responsible roommates really helps things too.

As for the "hard" skills, indeed you should work on those if that is what you wish to do. However, you need to be more specific about what you want to learn, you need a certain direction to focus your energy. If you are not sure what it is yet, then sample a little of different things to find out.

And I knew you would like Dead Space. From the first trailers I saw of it, I thought "This has Stephen written all over it."

I hear you on the diet thing. I feel like I have started to gain weight again and it needs to stop. I want to make a habit of waking up at seven every morning, then going to exercise for an hour in the appartment complex's gym. Even when I get hired again, I can still do that and have enough time left over to wash up and get to the Issaquah campus by nine.

As for a large party, keep in mind that while our appartment may be small, we can check out that big lounge in the main office...

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Yep, I'm having a better time here than at the Weng House. And I think our conversation the other day about my career direction was a good one. :)

Yeah, I'm finally getting the point where I'm getting better and have a good stockpile of meds/ammo on Hard. Can't wait to see the next level of difficulty... ^_^

Well, I know Anne has been talking about getting over there...I want to as well, and I'm sure Whitney does too. Whether it'll be in the morning or evening, not sure...

Well, small get-togethers will be fine at the apartment. Just be nice to have a reunion with all those people I haven't seen in years (and that'll still talk to me). :)

[kapslocked.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't mind a big party. Or even a small, chill one. With Stoli. *Icon Loves*

[soleil.livejournal.com]

I definitely miss you around here. Things are so...stuffy since you and dudeapathy left. So many of the fun people are no longer here. And the fun people who are left aren't allowed to be fun anymore, because they're not supposed to stop and talk about non work related stuff.

*sigh*

I'm glad you're doing well at MS. And congrats on the nuptuals, too. :)

[pixxiy.livejournal.com]

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm going to get a PDA-style phone for my next phone. If I'm spacey now, I'm sure it'll get worse as I get older. ^_^

Yeah, I'm learning about portion sizes more. It was never a thought in my mind; now it is. I try really hard to eat and listen to myself. "Is that enough food? Am I still hungry?"

Luckily I've gotten pretty good about no fast food. I can usually go without it...pizza...that's my weakness. :) But I've been trying to eat smaller pizzas, or get the crust and make my own.

Yeah, I try to stick to the "vinaigrettes"...anything with "vin" in them. I definitely stay away from the Thousand Islands and Blue Cheeses. :)

Luckily, I've gotten off the soda. I drink unflavored Talking Rain. The carbonation helps with my soda craving...and it's really refreshing after a while. About the only time I drink pop anymore is when I drink liquor. I will spring for beer...but I try and limit how much I have.

*hugs* Your support helps. :)

[fearless-son.livejournal.com]

I have the same issue about serving size. I try to eat everything that is served to me, even when what is served to me is more than I need. Especially when buying prepared food in this country, since the portion sizes are always so big, plus the fact that I paid for all of it makes me feel like I am not getting my money's worth if part of it is left uneaten.

My mother used to make some home made pizza, including the crust. Maybe she will teach me how to bake crust like that, then you can do the toppings. Then we have an entirely home made pizza without all the crap-for-the-body stuff that ordered ones throw on.

Carbonated water was one of my weaknesses. I used to chug that stuff all the time when I lived with my parents. They would rarely buy me soda, but they were only happy to buy me sparkling water, which is just as well as it is the carbonation that I find the most refreshing part of it. A little sweetness in the drink is nice too, which is why I like the kind mixed with a little fruit juice (but even that is only five calories per can which honestly the body probably burns just in the effort of the drinking it.)

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Ugh. I was raised to "clean my plate", so I used to feel bad about leaving anything on the plate.

I've been getting those crusts from Whole Foods. They're thin and I can put exactly what I want on it. I can put a lot less cheese and lot more healthy stuff (sometimes). But yeah, homemade pizza crust is tasty. Used to make my own dough back in High School.

Ditto. I used to drink 12-packs a day. No wonder I got so fat. But yeah, love Talking Rain for that.